I am who I want to be..

Kind of moodless.
Kind of worried for my buddies.
Kind of worried for GCE O Level MT.
Kind of worried I would flunk another test tomorrow.
Kind of worried I would fall asleep in class.
Kind of worried I cannot take the pressure I'm having now.
Kind of worried I'm facing too much things at home.
Kind of worried I wouldn't get into main 12.
Kind of worried about my MT test results.
Kind of worried I've got no time for studies.
Kind of worried I would break down some day.


And totally pissed with NYP Research Prog.

Abit pissed off typing with Sogou.
But my Transformers Skin cheered me up.

全都没事了！

虽然我们刚认识不久，却有一种想念他们的感受。

[Editted @ 2139]
First lesson was SS.
Kind of bored, thinking of some stuffs that happened yesterday.
Next up was HMT test.
Kind of worried, because I've promised myself an improvement for Chinese.
And it's not only an improvement, but rather a huge improvement.
Maybe it's just a fallacy. Something that I've been dreaming big about.
To not study HMT in JC, and hope to join my brother in RJ.
So that my parents wouldn't look down on me, treating me indifferently.
Next was Chem.
And I practically flunk it.
Was too tired to finish off my Chem.
It's been a busy day and crying just makes me tired.
What's the point?
Then it's recess.
Kind of gave attitude to AC.
Because I'm just thinking too much, if you wanna say this.
Emo-ed all the way through English and Maths, especially.
Kind of being not able to catch up with my maths, physics.
But weekend is long. I always thought.
But it's never when I start doing maths.
I was thinking what if I ever flunk this EOY.
Only proves that I'm not able to compare with my bro.
Walking aimlessly after school.
Went to SLR where there's only Eric inside.
Claimed to be sleeping but was kind of thinking of my grandfather. (just a random thought)
And cried again, in my heart.
Went for training.
Training cheered me up a little when I picked back my skills for volleyball.
And I think, I kind of miss Jaime a lot.
At least I can tell her my problems and she can lend me her listening ears.
Learnt how to gou qiu accurately.
Had fun receiving spikes - those turns I made.
But I proudly earned a blueblack on my thumb, the first blueblack I thought I earned it.
(Earn in such way that its not referring to I deserve this blueblack for not committing, but it's referring to me getting this blueblack because I've really put my heart on court today.)
Had dinner with Yonghan and Shermin.
Didn't really have the appetite though.
Just so many problems surfacing..

Yes, so it's another mistake done.
And I wondered if the tie really should belong to myself.
It's been a long time since I've doubted myself.
Trying to find something that will make me convince to not have such thoughts or let Clement down.
But I really couldn't find any.
Disappointed too many people, and obviously myself.
Probably it's just that I take such things more seriously and emotions swirls.
Probably I'm being over sensitive.
Probably I shouldn't joined the board the first place.
The tie of mine, is it just another object I carry with me?

Hey people out there,
Currently in love with Optimus Prime.
;D

So everything's about Me and Optimus Prime,
and I'm OP's my husband! ;D
Woots!~


I shan't talk much about Sino Exchange Programme..

These days.
I'm easily agitated.
Many problems surfacing.
Long-term problems.
And I stop bothering to show any concern to any,
but just vent my anger on other things.


So people,
leave me alone these days.

(Edited @ 1806)
Colin.
Happy Birthday Colin.
Sorry for not wishing happy birthday when you wanted it the most last night.
Sorry for not being a good friend here.
Love you as an AC member.

Hardi.
Cheer up boy,
there's always a happy face somewhere among the sad faces.
Why not search for it personally?
Smile. (:

Denise.
Girl, so many things happened to you in such a short period of time.
I understand and I don't blame you.
Miss your presence in school today.
If you want to face any music, call me, I'll face it with you.
Just want to tell you your much cherished.
Rest assured, no matter what happens, AC will be there for you.

Celine.
Hey girl, know you've been failing stuffs like me.
Cheer up alright.
Let's study together some time.
Don't think so much about the failing part alright.
Just if you know you've done the best you can,
failing is nothing.
smiles. (:

To Almighty Clique:
It's been long since we knew each other.
Many things happened in sch after june holiday.
Hope your 看得开 unlike me.
Love you guys. <3
- End of edit -

Back from O Level Oral.
Flunked it.
Such an easy topic.
Yet I was stunned.
And further got ci ji-ed by Mr Tang when he asked me what topic came out.  o.o
I was alone in the Xinfony Terrace, thinking of how all the efforts I've put in for oral gone into the drain.
Went to canteen and joined in with Jaime and Ms Tan for advanced Physics lesson. (For fun)
And I don't really know what they were talking.
Ms Tan comforted me by patting my back and she wanted to pat my head when I dodged.
And my physics results was disastrous shit of 16/30.
And I was thinking if I'm cut out for studying like celine.
Because I really couldn't stand it when I've studied so much yet nothing's paid off.

I was thinking of the 6A1s I was aiming for MYE, when I've got no As, and the highest was a B4.
But I know I wasn't into studying then.
But so?
Everything after June holidays changed loads.
Results, attitude, friends, life, family problems everyday.
*wadtheshit.*

At least I was wide awake in Ms Tan's class this week.
I guess it was because of my pathetic results.
I'm seriously going to mug. (I hope)
And my results will be good.
At least I wanna see an improvement in my HMT and A for maths and physics esp.

A heart-to-heart talk with samantha lek on the bus on the way home, on the verge of tearing.
Yet she comforted me and said, "But I only know that you still love the board."

I feel as though I'm a transparent person.
Numbed with all feelings in the world.
Went home and quarrelled with my mom again.
I mean that's driving me nuts having to quarrel with her everyday.
And I was thinking if I should go and stay at Denise's house tonight.


Sino students are coming tonight.
And perhaps, its a good opportunity to leave home and not return..

(Edited) - This was suppose to be post on my pri blog, but I'm posting here instead.

Hey People! I'm Back to Sims 2! ;D







 












Woots, Sims 2's fun. Hahas.
Nights People. I'm going off to study.
Just modified my house, but havent taken screenshot.
Tomorrow then post! ;D

omg, its 3.30 and im not sleepy.


insomia..

I was pondering over why "parents" don't start with eff (F) since their so effing shit.
My mom threw my books, and then asked me to study.
Eff.
I complained she spoilt my book and said she was dumb to throw my electronic dictionary but not my calculator.
Eff.
She said I misplace my 400 bucks PSP and said that I didn't complain about that, instead of my 30 bucks Physics text.
Eff.
I shouted at her saying she had no money, and continued "Shut up cuz it's not YOUR money."
Eff.
She placed the hairdryer in my room and said don't go into her room.
Eff.
Who wants to go into my DAD's room.
He used his money to buy the flat, not you.
Eff.
She says she can't stand me.
Eff.
Who asked you to give birth to me?
Eff.
I hate you.
Eff.

These few days I've been trying to cheer myself up.
I've been trying to get into the right mood.
The right mood to forget everything and concentrate on studying.
But what I'm doing now was trying to play my computer games.
And at the same time contradict myself by worring for my Chinese 'O' Level this year.
"A2. I was thinking that this shall be the grade I'll thrive for."
But how possible is it?

I guess I'll prepare for my oral now instead of Monday.
(*'O' Level Oral's on Tuesday)
I MUST score a high A1 for Oral. ;)


加油！ ;D
A2 for Chinese 'O' Level!

Fatigue.
Not because I'm stressed.
Not because I'm sick.
Not because I'm emotional.

Fatigue.
Because I owe loads of homework.
Because I know I'm behind the syllabus.
Because I know I sleep late every night which cause me to be fatigue.

Fatigue.
That's what I asked for.
That's exactly what I'm facing.


"Hang on to SLB."

Gio's back.
Not really back.

Three years ago.
This boy immigrated to Australia, and lived in Perth.
Three years later,
This boy met up with me, yingzhi, yiqian, jon and kinlong.
And he was on a 3-day HOLIDAY in Singapore.
LOL for his accent.

Three years passed so quickly.
And today reminds me of the happiness we had last time.
Three years later, this awkard atmosphere between us still exists.
Three years too short?

Wish you happiness boy. ;D


Another meeting next year with GIO (or Greg -.-).
(lol)

Physics test today was so screwed.
Belverlin "Aiyarh physics, SCREW IT LA. Screw all you can."
Lol.

Many many maths homework to be done.
If not Ms Wong will come chasing me again.
Sudden interest in History.
And maths.
;D  And celine, I'm sooooooo looking forward to Trigo.
Haha, upcoming tests next week:
Tuesday: Chinese O Level Oral
Wednesday: E Maths Test on Circle Properties.


I love my Almighty Clique.
Thanks for everything.
The attempt to cheer each other up at Sentosa was a successful one.
I enjoyed the trip a lot.
Loves.

School was another boring day.
I was studying Physics last night till as late as 2.40am.

And in the morning, I was walking dizzily.  -.-
Lessons as boring, as usual.
After school, went home and took a rest.
Then off I went to Yio Chu Kang to meet Aderic.
Went Jaime's house.
And off we are to AMK Hub to meet MingHwee and April (Jaime: Not May or June).
Ate at the foodcourt, which I think the food is quite nice.
Trained to City Hall and walked to Esplanade via City Link Mall.
Watched Tanjong Katang Girls' School, Anglo-Chinese School and Xinmin Secondary School and left during the interval.
So I went home and start reading my physics to not fail it the next day.
But I never complete my assessment book.  -.-


I have forgotten you, completely.
The flirt, sympathetic you.

What's on next?

Had been self-reflecting these days.
I was thinking what is more important in my life now.
Studies, the first thing that came to my mind.
Jiayous. ;D


Cheer up people! ;D

First of all, I would like to say I really enjoy the time with my clique!
2 clique outings this long weekend. ;D

Saturday, I went out to meet my clique at Vivocity.
It was a rather cold outing though.
Because everyone brought their problems to the outing.
Hardi, Colin, Me, Denise weren't really in the right mood.
With each individual problem we had.
Only Celine was the most innocent one! ;D
Love you girl!

Sunday night, a heart-to-heart talk with colin.
Was webcaming with Denise at the same time when a tear dropped.
"Eh lumyi you ok anot?"
- End of Video Conversation - [i turned it off]
So thanks colin and bestie.
Though they had their own problems, they are concern for me too. ;D

Monday morning at 10am.
Woke up to chiong my maths homework so that I can go for clique outing at Sentosa.
Wow, chionged like machine gun. ><
At last!
Done A Maths (left 2 exercises actually) and quarrelled with my mom before chionging to Vivocity.
Then had a pissed time attempting to contact clique.
Had an unpleasant dinner at Subway at Imbiah due to the poor service.
And off we went to jalan jalan at Sentosa.
Hardi had to look for souvenirs as requested by his mom.
We really tried our best to cheer each other up.
And yes, we did it.  ;D
It's been long since I've enjoyed any outings.
(And if I looked as if I enjoyed any previous outings, that's under 2 circumstances)
(1: You don't know me well./2. My acting was great)

Thanks clique for everything,.
And yes, he's a jerk. (:

Alright, so apparently I got to know that he knows that I want to quit.

Has been pondering some serious stuffs these days.
Clement talked to me.
Jaime cheered me up.
Aderic accompanied me?  o.O

Life's been revolving and I realised I'm getting more and more obvious of being emotional.
Perhaps, it's just time to go back to a kid when I know nothing about life.
Is it time to.. "retire"?


Jaime, sorry for another emotional post.
Great to have you as my best friend. ;)

If you were gonna ask me,
What's my definition of music?
My reply will be, "Michael Jackson".

Michael Jackson's passing is still lingering in my mind.
Watching news about his passing made it even more heartfelt.

There was this particular video broadcasted on AFP.
It showed how MJ's fans reacted to his death.
Ambulance came.
Fans anxiously rushing and running towards Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Centre, a medical centre in Los Angeles.
Adults cried.  Children too.
"... and I'm sorry for their (MJ's family) loss.  I know they're hurting. (Sobs) And as a very very deep fan, I'm hurting too." A fan told the reporter.
Posters were held up in the air saying "Michael Jackson Forever", "I support Michael Jackson" and "Michael Jackson Number One".
Fans crowded right outside the medical centre, giving their support by shouting his name. (Michael Michael Michael x Continuously)
Fans showed support for his family and his kids to let them know how much their son and father was loved.
People were having the exact shock of the September 11, 2001 when they know about his passing.

Rest in Peace, King of Pop.

Today's another boring school day without my bestie.

Keypress duty. 
Attire check duty.
Recess duty.

Sometimes I really wondered why I passed to be an SL the first place.
Sick and tired.

I guess I'm a sleepyhead as I'm half asleep during some lessons.
Pickled ball is fun.
Kim Hyun Joong is cute.
Yan Ya Lun is no worse.
Ms Wong calls me to answer her questions, as usual. o.O
And Mr Tang is back, also asking me question as usual.
Many teachers are back.
And Maths and Physics Holiday Homework not done.
Went home and napped for 5 hours. o.O


ZOMG. 
Maths EVERYDAY.
MT O Level Oral's on the way.
And the clique's missing Hardi!  D;

Happy 18th birthday brother! ;D

Today is a sleepy and boring school day with myself sleeping in a lot of lessons.
Kinda pissed.
Went to watch Transformer with Yonghan, Lynette C., Shermin Ho, Gabriel and Lihao.
OMG I love OPTIMUS PRIME like don't know what.  ;D
It's kind of touching at some parts.
Enjoyed it a lot.
Planned to watch it again with Lynette S.
Went home to chiong English Holiday Homework.
And slept kinda late.


"I am Optimus Prime," - Transformers: Revenge of the fallen"